Life with a Kakapo

It’s a fact! I’m living with a Kakapo. 

And while it’s true this Kakapo is (for the most part) a quiet, unassuming person during the day and prone to freezing when startled—I have come to dread it turning up every night in my bed. It usually slips in beside me quite late, and then? 

And then it starts. 

The strange little noises. 

At first I strain to hear the low frequency hum but just as quickly, it erupts into a sudden loud boom. There’s no sleeping through it, I’m awake. And if it’s not the infrasound, it’s the grunts, crackles, snorts and metallic ‘ching‘ sounds that do their best to keep me awake!

I could, of course, turn over and evict the Kakapo from the bed but for the fact it’s ‘our‘ bed. We share it. 

So what’s a person to do, smother it? Go sleep on the couch? Try and train it to go against its own natural instincts? And believe me, I’ve tried … for twenty plus years I’ve tried.

Putting it out on the balcony is out of the question. They are, after all, an endangered species. Only 126 left alive. And how would that look if it froze to death one long winter’s night? Not good, I suspect. And if I gifted it to a Zoo? Oh dear, how do you gift such a sweet, cuddly, loving creature to anywhere? 

I would be remiss on my part, as someone living in this alien world to take exception, but even this Keeper of the Kakapo needs their beauty sleep.

I suppose becoming nocturnal would be the answer! 

And you, good people, what do you suggest … what, what is that you say, ear plugs?

Yes, I guess you’re right.

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