Alexandra's Notebook

What I Learned visiting the US

I thought I would post something a little funny today. A few observations I made the last time I visited the US highlighting the differences between the UK and the US.

In America ...

• No one walks anywhere.
• The don't speak English.
• America is BIG.
• There are guns.
• The food comes in huge portions.
• There are concealed guns.
• They have a lot of police.
• Everything is done BIG.
• People carry guns in public.
• The boot is a trunk, and the bonnet is the hood of a car.
• They drive on the right because they had no knights in times of yore.
• The bars are not pubs, they're clubs.
• You had better like burgers.
• They have walk-in closets.
• Their fridges are the size of walk-in closets.
• They use their microwave ovens for more than just reheating their coffee.
• Public transport is optional.
• There are no pavements.
• Pavements are sidewalks, only New York has sidewalks.
• They pre-chop and shovel their food with their forks.
• They have 'Fanny' packs.
• American's think 'Fanny' is their butt.
• They’re an arse about their butt.
• Light switches go in opposite direction.
• People carry concealed weapons.
• There are police cars everywhere.
• Street signs are optional.
• Telegraph poles are utilities poles.
• ALL signage is attached to utilities poles.
• There are a lot of utility poles.
• The police swarm like gangs.
• American beer all tastes the same.
• Drink American wine, it's much better.
• The have Malls not high streets.
• In winter you roast inside the mall, in summer you freeze.
• They have an over dependence on their AC.
• Changing states is like visiting another planet.
• TV is 22 minutes of adverts and 38 minutes of actual programme per hour.
• Dogs and cats get better treatment than homeless people.
• They get confused when you say you are from the UK.
• Their money is all one colour.
• They don't know how to spell.
• Biscuits are cookies, pudding is dessert, crisps are chips, and chips are French fries.
• They think a jumper is someone who throws themselves off a building.
• They play rugby and call it football, but never kick the ball until after they've scored.
• They play rounders and call it baseball.
• They play netball and call it basketball.
• They play soccer … the rest of the world plays football.
• They have no idea what cricket is.
• OAPs don’t move in to nursing homes, they all move to Florida.
• They don't have parliament, they have congress.
• And finally, don't bum a fag from a stranger … ever!

No wonder we have difficulty communicating!